I dont know if anyone will read this but its just a little update on the madness that is my life!

I'm depressed again...officially! Whilest depressed I've been unable to piece words together in the form of poetry and that depresses me more. Its been a VERY long time since I wrote anything and in that time ALOT has happened to me. I've lost my best remaining school friend because she cares so little about anything but herself that she doesn't remember me telling her a VERY BAD thing that happened to me a few years ago. I have fallen in and out of relationship status with my Mr.Mathew twice. I have become violent in situations I otherwise would have maybe just been agressive in. A mole on my shoulder has become infected some how (I'm on antibiotics and have to be checked again in a week)OH and I've had a reaction to the dressings I need to wear GRRRRR. I have attended appointments with Doctors who are trying to find out if Ryan has ADHD or Autism (we are still none the wiser and wont be for a long time to come yet)! I'm ill with symptoms from bulimia, including stomach pain, blackouts, general weakness and vitamin deficiancy's. My Mr.Mathew has had knee surgery to reconstruct his knee which has left him next to useless for the last 2 weeks, which also means that I've had to do EVERYTHING for all of three of my boys (with arthritis). But this next one is the best one.....kept it for last! Tuesday night Jack woke up with a temperature, the next night he was hot and coughing. By the Thursday he had gotten worse not any better I rang the doctor first thing Friday for an appointment that day. Jack is now being treated for swine flu and is to be in isolation for 5 fucking days which means no first birthday party or visitors on the day! We have to keep an eye on everyone who's been in contact with him for 7 days.....it fucking sucks, life sucks, MY LIFE SUCKS!!!! I've managed to pass on my shitty existance to my beautiful children so I suck. My poor baby is ill, coughing, sneezing, whingy and clinging to his mommy. His tummy is poorly and he cant sleep properly. Today he's been very drowsy and if things dont change overnight he's going to A&E bless him.....I'm fucking gutted and worried sick